Newlywedgirl’s Weblog

Give it up y’all!

I’ve never stopped watching SNL. I’ve always found something in it funny, even through all the bad reviews over this past decade. But it’s never been better than right now. I am not a huge Ben Affleck fan, but I may be after this episode. He was awesome, even if he couldn’t keep a straight face through a sketch.

The opening sketch started with Tina Fey playing Sarah Palin as she has for every episode this season. This time however she was next to the very real John McCain, live and in person and quite good natured (in sharp contrast from Sarah Palin’s not-happy-to-be-here appearence last week.) In the sketch Palin announced she was going rogue and running for president in 2012, but, she assures, she’d be fine with the celebrity of a white Oprah. The point is, she’s not going anywhere!

This saturday night was the most awesome “The View” sketch yet, and I’ve seen every one. Kristen Wiig’s performance as Elizabeth Hasselbeck actually made me question my proclamation to B  that Fred Armison is the most talented cast member.  In the “Target Lady” sketch, Ben Affleck played this UPS driver I used to work with at Starbucks named Dante. Dead. On.

After a brief clip of David Cook focused on tuning his guitar wearing his trademark vest and tie, Ben Affleck announced his first song. David Cook went to work on his single “Light On”. Will I ever see him in concert? Probably not. There’s a big difference between what I’ll watch for free and what I’ll pay for. Does he have an amazing voice and remind me of an awesome season of American Idol? Abso-friggin-lutely. And when he breathed two deep sighs of relief after his first performance it reminded me of why B and I love him. So much genuine humility, paired with so much voice. ]

The second song, incidentally made me remember why I will never be able to say “I love pop music!” but, you know, no one ever promised me a rose garden.

Listening to: “Drive on Driver” by The Magnetic Fields.

Yeah, it was about as fun as it looks.

Words cannot be put to how excited I was to see possibly my favorite vocalist of all times. Not to mention, Portastic was opening for them and the Superchunk version of “100,000 Fireflies” was the theme song for some of the most painful and celebratory years of my life. Not just a little fan of both bands, a big fan.

And then I realized that they had grown up way-hey-hey sooner than I had. I was looking for the rock and roll show. The energy that matched the music and the love I felt. Where’s the part where we rush the stage and clamor to hug the man behind “A Chicken With it’s Head Cut Off”? It’s almost like orchestral halls aren’t made for that sort of thing.

As they counted down vices 10 to 1, I thought about Bojangles chicken, wondered where I’d left my phone, and wished B didn’t have to work saturday nights. At least that was during the second half of the show, during the first half I was taking a ride down the shoot of the great glass elevator of disappointment. Sad face.

Oh well and judgement, maybe some of us burn out and maybe others of us are just getting started. And maybe others of us burnout and start over again and again and again. And again and again and again…

Listening to “Wraith pinned to the Mist and Other Games” by Of Montreal

I keep looking around at other people wondering how they handle full time work, and wondering why I’m so tired. Beyond my online classes I didn’t do much yesterday and yet I could barely wake up today after 8 and 1/2 hours sleep. So I had a red bull just to make sure I got out of bed and got dressed because I needed to finish up two reports and clean. But I felt so tired and depressed I had to sit back down and after being up for only half an hour, I fell asleep and slept another 2 and 1/2 hours. Right after drinking a Red Bull!

I just feel this major fatigue when I have PMS, and I’m not sure what to do about it. Or maybe I should say I don’t want to do anything about it. Birth Control improved my life so much, that I’m scared to mess with it. Already a doctor has suggested going on the type where I would only get my period every 3 months and they say then only have PMS every three months, but it’s a decision I just can’t commit to yet. In the mean time though, I feel like my precious days off are slipping away.

Singing: “Coat of Many Colors” by Dolly Parton

Really? They sent Lauren Brie home, really? Would it be so wrong to have a girl who looks like a model (or an alien) stay on a show called America’s Next Top Model? Just stay on, not win. I want the french girl to win.

And last year I wanted Anja or Fatima to win, not Whitney. These Cover Girl commercials with Whitney are so awkward to sit through.

Goodbye alien girl…

Listening to: “High Heels and Eye Shadow” by Jonathan Richman

What a night last night was! I felt and thought so many things that I’m overwhelmed. A short synopsis would be to say last night at the Jonathan Richman show was an amazing night for me and my husband (and for our friend Sam, why not? Let’s throw a third person in the mix) and just one of those nights that bonds you to the people you’re with.

Sometimes I almost feel confused by how much music can mean to me if I let myself go. I have this memory of a band meeting with our new drummer, where, my sister Stella and I got chastised by this guy whom we owed nothing to for not practicing with him for a month. “Music is the most important thing in my life!” he said through clenched teeth and crossed arms at Stella, Louisa, and I. And then Louisa sits up and says “Me too!” Oh the betrayal! I couldn’t believe it.

“Really you guys?” I said, “because it’s more like priority 7 for me or 15. It comes after family, spirituality, friends, and travel.” And I remember feeling my respect for them dip as happens so often because I personalize most things in life. And I felt stubborn, that I wasn’t going to change for anybody who took that tone with me.

Except that last night, in a different state, where I barely know anyone, as I was leaving the show totally exhilarated, I had this incredible urge to turn to any group of strangers, raise my hands above my head, and shout “music is my life!” while wiggling my fingers

Speaking of stubborn, what an incredibly free and loving and stubborn musician Jonathan Richman is. His show was like an emotional roller coaster with the tug of war between what the audience wanted from him and what he was willing to give. I mean who does he think he is, my dad? In the end though I felt certain that was part of his gift and can’t wait to experience it again next time.

Far from when he’s fencing with his cymbal stick or jingle bells or whatever that thing is called, and far from when he’s shaking his hips dancing, when he’s done playing and everyone rushes the stage to shake his hand, suddenly he looks his age. He won’t talk afterward to save what’s left of his voice but he shakes everyone’s hand and signs whatever they want and looks at them with honest eyes and bursts out laughing. I stood on the side lines and clicked away with my camera.

All the way home I looked through my pictures of him and panicked that he would die soon, this man who’s music has kept me company for the past eleven years. I am one emotional girl.

Listening to: “Chiquitita” by Abba

Mondays… I’m trying to remind myself it’s when we get the most “damaged” bras sent back to our office and that’s fun. But the pile of weekend emails isn’t. And frustrated angry people aren’t either. I just want to be a writer some day and not have to deal with people for a job!

But the most awesome thing happened once I got home and thought, do I really have to do this again tomorrow? I got one huge step closer to being a writer! Before I went to bed I clicked on our website there was the short story I had sent to my boss two weeks ago summarizing Spring Fashion Week! And my blurb descriptions of our newest bra was upI can’t believe it. It’s amazing. I sent a link to all my friends and my sisters and my mom. I thought of all the people I wished I could send it to, but haven’t kept in touch. I want to say to them – I’m sorry, please know me now and let’s forget about before when my self esteem was too low to keep up our friendship.

Came home after working an hour and a half later than usual and B and I just looked at eachother. He got us food (wonderful man) and I made myself not turn on the t.v. and begin vegging out immediately. I made myself face him and ask him how he’d been feeling lately and we talked about our day. Another mission accomplished.

Listening to: New Kind of Neighborhood, Jonathon Richman

It’s hard visiting Brandon’s grandma when he can’t come with me. I know I feel better about myself when I visit once a week or even more, but nothing’s as enjoyable if he can’t come. I can’t wait for the day we’re looking back at his retail schedule and saying “remember when?” It took a Red Bull to get me out of bed and into the shower. Then it was really getting late so I ate a piece of his mom’s vegan flat brittle chocolate cake for breakfast, took my birth control and my vitamins and ran.

I saw Stanley and his wife gorgeous what’s-her-name and their little girl Janelle outside doing their yard work today and Janelle ran straight into my arms. I pick her up like she’s made of glass but besides my nervousness, it felt so good! Later I was driving and saw a spanish mom and dad on the trail loop each holding one side of their kid’s handle bars as he peddled his first two wheeler bike, and something moved inside my chest. I know we’re not in the position to have kids and may not be for years but again I found myself asking, when?

Anyway I was feeling awake and pretty good about my outfit, not to mention it was gorgeous out (yah the south!) when I got to B’s grandma’s house but it was all dark. I called B’s parents and they said she was at her friends funeral! I felt so guilty and so dumb for not calling her first yesterday, and checking with B’s parents first or something! How can I have made a plan a week ahead of time and not run it by anybody? I can be so avoidant. I picked her up some flowers and a card to let her know I came by and left them in her door. I kept picturing her sad face going to Barb’s funeral, arghhh! If I had just started out earlier. Now it’ll be a whole other week before I see her again.

I felt good about the flowers and next headed to the post office. I had 2 bras that I can’t wait to send to my sister and Mary. The one had a broken strap that I sewed up and the other is missing a few beads and both were sent back to our office as “damaged”.

The post office wasn’t open for another two hours and I got this overwhelming hunger for Bojangles! Part of it was because it was lunch time and part of it was Stanley’s fault for suggesting it this morning! Anyway, I got to Bojangles and ordered a chicken dinner (a dollar fifty of it paid in change from the bottom of my wallet).

When I got home and ran into our bedroom, I realized this wasn’t what B alway’s order’s for me. It was huge and had bones and looked like fried chicken and slipped out of my hands 3 or 4 times while I tried to eat around the bone. Long story short it got on the bedspread and I’ve had to thrown the entire bedspread in the laundry hoping the spots will come out! They better come out, we can’t afford a new beadspread. (But if we could, I’d want to get it from Urban Outfitters). I feel like such a looser and now I’m totally sleepy because I know there is flour in the breading and I’m allergic to wheat.

Well off to pick up Brandon from the Nerd Herd.  I can’t wait to start over tomorrow and be the healthy together organized communicative woman that I wasn’t today!